Now, seein' as this thing's a competition, I thought it might be nice to lead off this round with a few covers featurin' Supes an' Bats squarin' off against each other...
1. Whether they were just brawling in general...
|Real men battle with boulders!|
2. ...fighting over the love of a pretty lady...
|Somehow, I never pictured Supes as a size queen.|
3. ...or over a love that can't be named...
|Are cape rides a Boy Wonder fringe benefit?|
...Superman and Batman's relationship was always a tumultuous one.
4. They couldn't even agree on how to rescue their... young companion... from a weird-ass alien monster!
|Weirdest. Monster. Ever.|
5. Even Batman's thrill-seeking female counterpart wanted a piece of the Superman!
|Except for maybe this one.|
6. Wonder if Bats was even upset when this happened...?
|It doesn't take the World's Greatest Detective to notice the Utility Belt on that monster, either! |
Coincidence? I think not!
7. And I doubt that Superman had much trouble making up his mind in this situation:
|Bros before hos?|
8. Of course, they did have each others' backs on those occasions when they melted...
|Maybe it's the Chocolate Batman!|
9. ...or became distorted circus mirror versions of themselves.
|Because, man, this happened way more than you'd expect.|
10. Then there was that time they got really fat!
|Lay off the helium donuts, boys!|
11. Of course, even when both of them got transformed at the same time, they couldn't help but fight sometimes...
|Wish I had me one a' them future brains!|
12. And even when their transformations were moral ones, they couldn't get along!
|Luthor and the Joker never were known for their sharp-shooting abilities.|
13. But finally, Our Heroes had enough. All the fighting, and forbidden love, and strange transformations wore them down, and in the end they were united in at least one thing:
|I think this is where Ozzy got the idea for "Suicide Solution."|
14. Finally accepting that their relationship was ultimately a self-destructive one, Superman and Batman went their separate ways for a while, deciding to get some distance and see other heroes. But for Superman, the horror was only just beginning...
|This month's thrilling thriller: Doom of the Tiny-Man!|
In the end, of course, this settles nothing. Both these poor fools suffered indignity after indignity at the hands of the World's Finest editorial machine, and I still can't say for sure who got the worst end of it. The only thing this little trip down memory lane has proven to me is this: along with crying, monkeys, motorcycles, fire, and the color purple, the thing that sells comics the most must be... complete and utter humiliation.